Mantrum: Why Some Prominent Men Are Having Meltdowns On Social Media

Owen Jones. Oz Katerji. Omid Djalili. What do these three men have in common? They freaked the hell out when people pointed out their epic tone deafness and virtue signalling and ranted for ages about how they're really the goodies in the story. Why is this happening?

There are three legs that a mantrum (adult male tantrum) stands on: gaslighting, entitlement, and ego. The first two give the man a shovel; the last one compels him to keep on digging. Let's take a look into why men behave like this and what we can learn from them.

Gaslighting

To gaslight is to pretend that what is happening isn't happening and to paint the target as mad or not to be taken seriously when they point this out. Gaslighting comes from a desire to control the narrative and to get others on side. A skilled gaslighter will use a range of techniques to ensure that their message dominates the way events are perceived. These include:

1. Denying they said or did something even when you have the proof that they actually did
2. Accusing others of things they themselves have done
3. Turning others against the target to take away their support system using drive-by allegations and exaggerated stories
4. Declaring that the target is exaggerating or crazy (they like the word "hysterical")
5. They never acknowledge that the target is correct about anything
6. Targets are constantly having to restate facts and defend reality itself
7. They erode trust in their target's perceptions of what's happening and of their own intuition
8. They keep their targets off-balance by pretending to be nice and concerned for their wellbeing
9. They twist any expression of emotion into an attack on themselves or their pet cause
10. They oblige their targets to collect and collate evidence of their own assertions, then accuse them of stalking

They are also masters of DARVO (deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender). When the target is emotional or can be portrayed as emotional, they accuse them of manipulating others. When they do the same, they're just being honest. Mantrums rely on a supportive audience (or the hope of one). None of these three have had much in the way of support; Djalili in particular keeps being told he's wrong but nonetheless persists in his "me against the world" narrative. He blocked me, possibly because I called him an epic narcissist. I stand by that assertion. Perhaps he thinks people will come around if he keeps going but from what I've seen I doubt it.

Entitlement

One of the reasons I call the men who engage in mantums narcissists is because of their weapons-grade sense of entitlement to support and affirmation from their audience. If these men fed on applause they'd quickly drop the stupidity and move on to something else, but their sense of entitlement demands that they get what they came for, however long it takes. In the case of both Jones and Katerji it's about being the Champions of the Downtrodden. They see themselves as saviours and the "saved" as people who should form an orderly queue to kiss them where the sun don't shine each time they bestow their favours on them. Yes indeed, if Jones or Katerji should bash a TERF*, they have, in principle bashed every TERF regardless of whether or not everything they said about the woman so labelled is a pack of lies or unreasonable misogyny. The fact is, they don't do the bashing for the Oppressed Masses they claim to represent, they do it for applause and a metaphorical celebratory slap-up dinner at Mrs. Miggins's Pie Shoppe. People see that and when they call them out for it they're so offended they lash out. How dare we be so ungrateful after all they've done for us!

Ego

One thing you may have noticed when reading the three links at the top is how these men see themselves as exemplary characters, leaders in their fields and masters of all they survey with legions of adoring fans. I was one of them for Djalili and for Jones until they turned out to be horrible misogynists. I'd never heard of Katerji until feminists brought him to my attention. Entitlement is the driver, gaslighting is the vehicle, and ego is the fuel. The mantrum ends when the man can either declare victory (I've seen some do this even when they've utterly beclowned themselves) or he realises that he's on a hiding to nothing, in which case he usually pretends it never happened and quietly deletes the evidence. I've seen Djalili and Katerji fake humility by deferring to people who claim a trans identity, but this is their way of pretending that they're good guys, really. Can you see them doing that to their targets? The deference is performative, its purpose is to demonstrate that they're still on top. They simply can't be seen to lose the argument.

What can we learn from this?

Well the first rule of holes is when you're in one, stop digging. Step back, take stock, and fix what you broke where and when you can. If someone says something you don't like online, don't get mad, get smart. You are not obliged to engage with idiots, so don't.

A healthy self-awareness and a willingness to learn will definitely keep you out of trouble. Remember you can't control your reputation by what you say about yourself; keep the story and the message on track by making sure they match. You can't declare that you're a champion of the downtrodden, then tell them to shut up if they contradict you; always be aware of the optics when you post and stay out of heated arguments when you're heated yourself. Again, and for the umpteenth time, your own conduct determines what people think of you. People with integrity will check you out when accusations sans evidence are made, so be sure that when they do, they don't find anything horrible. Ultimately, each of the three men named and shamed above are responsible for their reputations being in the bin, not us.

If each of the men named above wants to sort things out, they can apologise and make a donation to a women's charity. Not a woke one, a woman's one. Whether or not they choose to do so is ultimately up to them. Until then, they're the comedy gift that keeps on giving when anyone points out what hypocrites they are.

*Any woman (and the odd man) who does not agree that a trans woman is in fact a real biological woman and should be treated as one at all times without question.